you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
