I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize