I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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