Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
