A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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