tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
