I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
