so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
