morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's official drugs can't kill me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
