So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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