Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
