So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
