is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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