there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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