I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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