its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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