2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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