Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
