Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
