she woke up with a sticky ear
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
