Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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