It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
