I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
