So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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