you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
