Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
