The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
