So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
