i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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