You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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