I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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