also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
