i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
