Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
its liver damage thursday
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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