i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
