He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
