She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize