Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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