i just google imaged poop.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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