Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
