Kiss
Puke
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
