I hate your face
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
