God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
