my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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