just come out here and I will go home with you...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
