Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's always time for handjobs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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