Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
