last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
