I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
