his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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