i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
