I got chris browned last night
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
