your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
