you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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