I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
