after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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