party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
