You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
