chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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