I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
