Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Come on in and take your pants off
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