Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
