We're like a lot better than the average bears
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
