And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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