You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
