Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
