apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
