wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
