you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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