it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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