I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
